Choosing To Keep My Story Private

Recently, I’ve realized that sharing autobiographical comics about my past trauma history is terrible for my nervous system and overall mental health. This realization came from years of testing the waters sharing personal stories in comic form. The real lapse in sharing came after a very surreal experience I had on Social Media when the pandemic was newly rooting. I won’t go into detail but needless to say I learned who would attack a random stranger in her dm’s for adding to a comment that went viral. It was a terrifying experience for someone who has experienced numerous physical, emotional and sexual assaults. But it did lead me to reach out for help and find the therapist I now work with who has changed my life. The therapy work we are doing has helped beyond what I could’ve imagined for myself. (Secure attachment is in my grasp which is insane to me.) LOTS of hard work, tears, sleepless nights and my body turning into pure panic as it catches up with my past.

There is apart of me that felt called to share my experiences with SA, suicidal ideation, abuse, depression, and anxiety but it’s just not good for my health straight up. It aggravates the intense CPTSD and anxiety I have been suffering from since I was a kid. 

Autobio Comics are honestly my favorite forms of comics. I’ve been a huge fan of Phoebe Gloeckner, Sacha Mardou, John Pena, Mariana Weflen, Lizzie Solomon, Julia Wertz, Ellen Forney, Asia Bey to name a few favorites. Their work has helped me explore deeper aspects of my own experiences and I appreciate their courage for sharing personal experiences in a public facing context.

I will always continue to make autobio comics but unfortunately the weight of having even a few eyes on my work is just too much for now. Hopefully someday I will feel comfortable doing that but for now no fucking way!!!

Jess Pena Heberle